90 Days of Sobriety

A little disappointing

I want to get this out of the way if you need help with alcohol; get it, do what it takes to get better. For your mental and physical health, the benefits are probably amazing.

I am probably not an alcoholic but my identity is closely tied to my ability to order a drink in a social setting (note: not drinking alcohol). The act of buying drinks at a bar is an essential part of my being to an extent. It started at a young age, 21, well not that young. At first, it was just an accouterment to be held in my hand. To be perfectly honest, alcohol tasted horrible, my pallet wasn’t accustomed to the abrasive unfamiliar taste. The glass of whatever it was (usually Long Island Ice Tea) was just there as a trinket or accessory to prove that I belong in this club/bar/concert as an adult. I ordered Long Island Ice Teas because I know it had all the alcohol mixtures in it so my assumption was it was probably the best bang for the buck. Throughout some months I noticed that a few sips of the Long Island Ice Tea would take me on a small journey. Those journeys lead to adventures some good and some disappointing like the time I was stranded at a discount hotel when two girls I left the club with decided to ditch me. Over time I refined my drink of choice and honed in on better quality women. This new tactic added itself to my arsenal well, I tended to strike up a conversation first and find out if we had chemistry. And the drink in hand kept my arms busy and less animated. It also plays as a subtle hint as to the reason I am here at this particular place. I have once gone to a bar and before something is in hand you appear to still be in need of something, searching to fill the void.

When not drinking my accouterment is gone and one of my favorite tactics is now a disadvantage. Another disadvantage of not drinking is the cheers or better the superstition around clinking together two glasses, one filled with water or a non-alcoholic substance. The weirdness and awkward moments; Another disadvantage is if you buy someone a drink and you’re drinking water that’s weird. Explaining to old friends and new friends that you’re on a 90-day non-drinking thing for absolutely no reason other than personal discipline is a social pain.

Within the first 20 days of not drinking, I realized I need another set of friends because the set I had were actually drinking buddies and if we weren’t drinking and conversing then the conversation became stale very fast. I imagine that when we’re all drinking our conversations can’t revolve around the most interesting of topics because I was immediately bored by the second glass of water I had and the second drink they had and I never felt this before. Oscar Wilde quote: “I drink to make other people interesting.”

Also, time seemed to pass incredibly slowly. Our non-conversations tended to linger. I kept asking myself is this taking forever, this brunch won’t end, or this song is longer than I ever remember it!

Also alcohol however bad it is it’s a coping mechanism and with COVID out here, it was easier just veg out in front of the TV and drink a beer without the brain going into overdrive.

The cool factor: Let’s be honest the same way cigarettes are portrayed in movies is the same way alcohol is portrayed in most mainstream media. It’s cool, just to sit and sip some high-end whiskey and smoke a cigar. James Bond, any Western movie, Game of Thrones all types of media glamorize drinking and if done right can be mirrored.

These are just random thoughts I had when thinking about what to put in this post:

Appreciation of the craftsmanship of good scotch or whiskey.

My self-image is closely tied to that of a sophisticated gentleman that orders whiskey neat not that of a person that orders a virgin daiquiri.

An ornament to elevate the vibe.

I don’t like when someone tells me I can’t do something even if that someone is me. And I completely resisted when telling myself I can’t drink for 90 days. I should have rephrased it and said I get to stay alcohol-free for 90 days. But unfortunately, that was not my mindset.

Unless energy; I was up at 3 am just thinking more frequently. Usually, not in a productive way, I would think about a conversation I had earlier in the day and then analyzed my word choice or things that were on my calendar for the upcoming week. Or even worse thinking about “Why am I thinking so much”, I literally had a stream of consciousness about how much I am thinking.

It’s like going to Disneyland but being on a 90-day roller coaster cleanse and saying “Oh no I’m just here to enjoy some of that theme park food.”

The Profile 15 months with no alcohol. I read this it was interesting

Day 20